Thursday, September 22, 2011

Feels like old times...

Yesterday, I was tired. I had a restless night of sleep and was feeling incapable of managing my kid much less making it through the whole day and then working that evening. So, I cheated a little. I fed the tot breakfast and then I put on Toy Story and dozed on and off while he watched it.

Today I have been blessed by a bout of nostalgia as my little man has been reacquainted with Buzz and Woody. He has asked to play with them, been dragging them around the house and asking to watch the movies again. I watch him playing with them and cuddling them and I can't help but remember a much smaller little guy who dragged his bean bag Buzz every where. A tiny tot who still slept in a crib and insisted that his space ranger pal accompany him.

But one day, before I knew it, Buzz and Woody were relegated to the toy box. They were replaced by a shiny red Lightening McQueen and a Tow Mater. The Toy Story DVDs were no longer requested, instead Cars became our frequent favorite and our go-to distraction. In retrospect, it's all part of growing up. I was no different - Cabbage Patch gave way to Barbie which gave way to CD's and make-up. I know that there will be many toy stages between now and the time that toys become obsolete. But it still felt sad at the time and I could feel myself saying "Already? But he's too little to have grown out of something so soon!"

Imagine my surprise to find that Buzz and Woody movies can still hold his attention. That when we went to the play room, he dug them out of his box and was pleased to see his old friends. It made me smile to know that he still loves his first little friends. That he's really not as big as he seems sometimes. That he's still the same little boy who used to drag them around and say "to infinity and beyond" in that garbled, baby way that only Moms and Dads can understand. Welcome back, Buzz and Woody! You've been missed.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


We have less than four weeks to meet our new little addition. I am prepared. I have freezer meals made. I have bedding and new clothes laundered. I washed the car seat, washed and reassembled the bassinet and the swing . Sorted through my breast pump apparatus and bought new tubing, shields, membranes and milk storage bottles. I have nursing pads and milk storage bags. All of our bottles, pacifiers and nipples have been washed and sterilized. I have a cleaning service scheduled to do a whole house cleaning the Friday before and I have my pre-op testing scheduled as well. I have the Baby Girl's bag packed and a list of what I need to put in mine.

You would think I'd be feeling pretty confident and relaxed at this point. Not so much. Suddenly I find myself overwhelmed with obligations. I have meetings to attend for the preschool fundraising, school board meetings, regular work responsibilities that have started to bleed into other areas of my calendar because of staff meetings and unexpected projects. The tot has preschool twice weekly but those two free hours two days weekly are already taken up with OB appointments, bible study, and other obligations.

I have been trying to get to this store in town that specializes in slings for baby wearing and even helps you try to figure out what type you like and how to put them on. I congratulated myself for calling the lady yesterday and setting up a consultation during evening hours so that the hubs could watch the kiddo while I am gone. No sooner had I done that than I find two separate emails in my inbox, one trying to schedule a meeting for next Tuesday morning and one for a meeting next Tuesday afternoon. Of course, I already have something scheduled on Tuesday morning and can't possibly meet on a Tuesday afternoon unless I pay a sitter. I felt like crying.

Admittedly, some of it is self inflicted. I have attended a Mom's Bible Study for the last couple of years but only recently did we decide to also join a group bible study at our church. It truly has been a great experience as all of the other couples' also have kids around our kid's age and they get to play together while we have dinner, share fellowship and talk about the study. However, trying to find time to both keep up with the study I am already in as well as read the chapters for this new study feels next to impossible. In addition, I have recently made plans with a new friend for tea and invited a neighbor and her girls over for dinner. Of course, I don't have a free night this week or next week to make them dinner but, for some reason, this was not part of my consideration when I extended the invitation.

I am finding more and more that I am looking forward to the birth of this baby. For the obvious reasons (Yay! A baby! Tiny baby toes and fingers! Lots of pink! My back will stop hurting! My nerve will stop hurting! My heartburn will disappear!) but also because it will force me to slow down. Physically, I will not be able to do very much for a few weeks and will not be able to make plans, attend meetings, agree to obligations that I can't handle. I am hopeful that this breather might help me to reset the clock. Knowing how hard it was with a newborn those first few weeks, I am guessing it will be even harder managing a small baby and a toddler. The positive side to this is that I will only be able to do what absolutely needs to be done and nothing more. I realize much of this time will be spent nursing, sleeping, or reassuring my toddler that he is still my favorite two year old. But, I am also anticipating some clarity from dropping away from the hustle and bustle for awhile. I hope to be able to get some perspective on what things are priorities and what things are just hollow obligations. God always gives you what you need just when you need it - I think this may be one of those times.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Where Have You Been?

I bet you are wondering. Nowhere cool. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I decided to celebrate by getting part of my finger lasered off. No joke. Well, not about the surgery part anyway. I have had a wart for the last 10 years under my fingernail. I have had it burned, chemically peeled, treated with topical ointments, taped, you name it. And it always grows back. My dermatologist finally suggested laser surgery out of frustration. Which is fine, except that I am still pregnant, so not necessarily the ideal candidate for a surgery.

But, I met with a surgeon and he insisted it would be fine and so then I did the necessary "obsessive-complusive" check-ins with my OB who also reassured me that I would be okay and I scheduled surgery. But the only time I could get it done was the day before my birthday. So, Happy Birthday to me - one less wart and one really sore hand. Which is part of the reason no one has heard from me in over two weeks. That and the fact that when I am faced with free time (aka during nap time) I have been faced with tough choices like blogging or sleeping. Sorry, I am weak and I typically choose sleep.

The joyful news is that I am now up and running again. I am still missing a finger nail (ewww - gross!) but the finger doesn't hurt anymore and I can do everything I could do before, including typing. Which has been a great relief given that I still have a two year old to manage in addition to the normal household craziness of laundry, dishes, cleaning, cooking, etc.

As for the toddler, he is doing wonderfully. He loves school and I have repeatedly had to drag him out of there when it's time to leave. I am starting to worry the teachers are going to expect an abusive or neglectful home life because of how vehemently he insists on staying to play. Unfortunately, he has just contracted some form of typhoid or bird flu or something and so must be quarantined tomorrow. So far, he has been too sick to make much fuss about it, but I am expecting some negative feedback once it's time to get ready for school in the morning. I can relate as I was looking forward to having 2 hrs of down time with nothing specific planned.

My husband insists the illness is the result of his wellness check-up this past week at the doctor. Something of a germaphobe himself, he is convinced that the waiting area is full of germs as are the exam rooms. I do have to agree that even though our pediatrician's office has a "sick" room, I rarely see people sitting in it but the main lobby is always full. It seems unlikely that all 30 people happen to be there for sports physicals and check-ups and not one has the sniffles. But, I also assume it's the nature of the beast - how can you expect to treat sick people without having sick people in the office, right? Though, I felt the "Mama Bear" rising up in me when the hubs told me he had mentioned something about our son getting sick to the receptionist when he brought him in this morning to get checked out and her response was something like "oh yeah, happens all the time!" Really? Really?!! You aren't going to be even the slightest remorseful or acknowledge that this might be something your office needs to take more care with preventing? Like, for example, strongly encouraging sick patients to sit in the sick room when they check in? Or making them wear masks or something?

In any case, having a sick toddler does provide a few benefits. This afternoon, he woke from a very restless nap crying in discomfort. I sprinted up the stairs and rocked him under his blanket. He was drenched in sweat but his head was cool (Thank you, Lord!) and so I just rocked and rocked with him until he fell asleep. What a wonderful feeling - the weight of that toddler body and the sound of his restful breathing! I could have sat in the rocker all afternoon were it not for his sister kicking me in the bladder and making me have to pee. I also have to point out that the illness has afforded me extra nap time which has translated to extra blog time. My next goal will be to actually go and read up on my friends happenings whom I have missed! Wish me luck.