Wednesday, June 5, 2013

A Nap Treaty

One of the members of this household has given up napping. And it's not me. We have discovered recently that when Ben naps, he doesn't want to go to bed at night. He can stay up as late as 9:00-10:00 on a nap day but will go to bed by 7:30-8:00 if he skips his nap. I knew this day would be coming, I just didn't know when. I guess by all accounts, I should count my blessings as Ben is 4+ years old and many of my friends have reported letting go of nap time as early as 2 or 3. So, we are practicing quiet play. I get to write and indulge in my new favorite show - Call the Midwife - and he gets to play in his room with his hero toys, his tag reader and his leap pad. It is a learning experience for all as he continues to want to come out of his room to "ask questions" or for other various reasons. I am hopeful that after a few weeks of practice, he will be able to entertain himself for a minimum of an hour without interruption.

Meanwhile, the lack of downtime has caused me to struggle with finding time for myself and things I would like to be doing. Blogging is at the top of the list, obviously, but so are a lot of other things. I have many projects around the house that I would like to accomplish this summer - organizing my cabinets and rearranging my kitchen, purging the playroom (and the house in general) of detritus before our garage sale, rearranging furniture, painting multiple rooms, etc.

I have also really been wanting to spend more time in spiritual study. We have recently been having some struggles with our church and it has caused me to feel very disconnected from the Lord at a time in my life when I feel like I need more of Him in my life rather than less. I find myself feeling lost and detached during a time that we are struggling with the impending loss of a family member and my own medical issues. Times that I would ordinarily turn to bible study or worship on Sundays and find that I currently have neither. Our church has recently elected a new Senior Pastor and while I found him to be very engaging at first blush - that blush has worn off. He is what some would call a "visionary" and others might describe as "micromanaging". As a church employee, I was struggling to manage the needs of my family and balance the demands of my job and I was finding it difficult to adapt to all of the changes in the church. So, I resigned a few weeks ago. I was sad to go but I knew it was the right time for me to return to being a parishioner rather than an employee. I was hoping to get back to a place where I could enjoy worship, but unfortunately, the church politics is starting to make that difficult. Such that my husband and I have started considering another church. This is a very difficult decision for our family as we have many friends in  our church and have always thought of it as home, but have continued to feel marginalized by many of the recent changes. We are continuing to pray about it. The hubs (who was raised in a more conservative setting) is excited to try a new church and continues to point out that it can't hurt, it can only help. If we go to a church and love it - then we know we need to consider changing, and if we don't - then we know we are blessed to be where we are and will maybe feel a renewed connection to our own church. I won't deny he has a certain logic but I am still on the fence. In the meanwhile, I am going to continue to forage my own spiritual connections by setting aside time for personal bible study. I am currently reading "Real Moms Real Jesus" by Jill Savage and following along with the bible scripture as well as trying to keep up with my prayer journals as best I can.

In addition to all this - I have started a couch to 5K program. At the beginning of this year, the hubs and I entered a "biggest loser" contest with some friends in my mom's group. And at the end of the 90 days - he placed 1st and I placed 3rd! I ended up losing like 25 lbs which was great! I was also really focused on working out and eating better. However, once the contest ended, my weight loss stagnated. I even gained back a couple of lbs. I have found that I seem to do better when I have a goal, so I saw an ad in town for a free couch to 5k program and I signed up! We have scheduled runs 2x weekly and we have to work out on our own in between. My thinking when I started this was that I was going to "learn to love" running. Three weeks in, I must confess that may have been an error in judgement. I think I hate running. I am not sure that I will ever love it like I had hoped. But, I am determined to complete the program and run the race, just to prove that I can do it. After that, I have decided that I NEVER have to run again if I don't want to. There is a tiny piece of me that still hopes that by the time I hit mid-July, I will be a super awesome runner and will somehow automatically love it, but I am doubtful. I am learning to be okay with that. If I finish the summer and determine that I am not a runner, that's okay with me because at least I know I gave it a shot and I didn't quit. Sorry to get all "after school special" over here! On that note, I better get to those midwives before I miss my chance to get my Netflix fix.