Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Tis' the Season

It's been two full weeks since I blogged. I miss my blog. I am struggling to find time for it. I am struggling to find time for a lot of things recently. You may be nodding knowingly, "Ahh, yes, the transition from one child to two..." But, I don't know if that's it.

I love this time of year. I love the decorations and the lights. I love the music.  I love the snow and the hot cocoa. I like nothing better than baking Christmas cookies and snuggling on the couch watching Christmas movies. I get immense pleasure out of giving the perfect gift to a friend or family member and watching their face when they open it. I love the church all decked out in candles and greenery.

But this year, I'm not feeling it and I don't know why. The most festive tasks are met with irritation and frustration. I find that I am checking off the boxes on the "to do" list more than actually enjoying any of it. I have been racing through present shopping, wrapping the gifts, baking the cookies, decorating the tree without having the time to relish any of the things I really love about this holiday.

I have to keep reminding myself to relax. To take it easy. To stop and take a breath. Maybe it is just the added stress of having a new baby at home and therefore, less sleep. But I think it might be me. I find myself becoming aggravated over the smallest tasks rather than taking pleasure in them. The tree decorating this weekend was met with impatience and a strong desire to just get it done. Combine that with a rambunctious toddler and a fussy newborn and it's a sure disaster. Not to mention that my crabby mood ruins the fun for the rest of my family. I don't want that. I don't want to take the joy away from my children or my husband. I don't want our first Christmas together as a family of four to be squandered in a flurry of to-do lists and obligations. I want to bake cookies with my toddler and I want to sing Christmas songs and look at the lights and spend time with my husband and enjoy my family.

Something needs to change. I need to change. My focus needs to shift from all that "needs" to be done to all that is happening now. I need to remember the reason for Christmas. The blessing that is Christ. The joy of this season. The miracles that we are given every day.