Monday, September 20, 2010

Radio Silence

I feel like I have been hiding out lately but I don't mean to be. I want to say that I haven't blogged because I was doing something phenomenal like caring for orphans in the Sudan but the reality is just that I have been bogged down with life. We have had family staying at our house for the last few weeks and had event after event scheduled on the weekends.

The biggest change in our house is my changing status from stay at home mom to part-time employed mom. I had been looking for various ways to get involved in different projects in the community and this opportunity presented itself. It's a job that allows me to be more involved in my church, have a flexible schedule so that I can still be home with my tot every day, and assist in developing programs in the children's ministry. I have mixed feelings about the transition. On the one hand, I am very excited to have this opportunity and am brimming with ideas to implement. On the other, I feel somewhat guilty to no longer be a full-time stay at home mom. I worry that even though the schedule is flexible and the Tot will have some great one on one time with his dad, that he will still feel short changed in the long run that Mommy decided to go back to work.

I have read all of these different articles about how good it is for moms to have something outside of the home for themselves. The Husband assures me that I am doing no permanent damage and insists that it may actually be good for the Tot as he gets older to realize that Mommy has other responsibilities too and that it is good to be involved in something you care about. I hope he knows what he is talking about. I keep reminding myself that missing bedtime one night a week isn't the end of the world and also that nothing is set in stone. If I start to feel overwhelmed or that the Tot isn't getting what he needs, I can always quit, right?

The Tot is still my priority but this may be a good chance for us both to get some of our other needs met. And who knows, maybe by my not being here with him all day, every day, the Tot will have a chance to miss me and possibly even (dare I say it) ask for me? Thereby learning the one word that I have yet to be able to coax, bribe or force out of him - the ever elusive "Mama".

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