Monday, August 19, 2013

Pressure cooker

Here we are in the last days of summer! There are still so many things I want to do with the kids and I am feeling anxious about Ben starting preschool five days a week. I keep thinking - these are the last days I will have to spend time with BOTH of my children. Which is, of course, ridiculous and not the slightest bit true - because we will still have every afternoon together.

In addition to time slipping right on by me, our funds appear to be going the same way. We had an AC leak this summer that led to exorbitant electric bills and an increase in our expenses. Also, I quit my job which eliminated that additional income (a pittance, but still...). So, I am continuing to check and recheck our  budget to try to find ways to eliminate additional expenses - staying home more, cooking rather than eating out, renting movies instead of downloading them, etc.

Of course, this is the time of year for spending. A's birthday is on the horizon, as well as the hubs milestone birthday, multiple in-law birthdays and (of course) Christmastime. However, my children want for next to nothing so I am hoping this will give us a chance to experience a leaner holiday season and hopefully help them to truly appreciate what they receive rather than being so overwhelmed by everything they get that they never play with any of it.

Recently, I've been debating getting another job. I think I am a person who does well with structure. As much as I would hate the additional demands on my time, we could definitely use the money. And the longer I go with out working, the more anxious I become that I will never be able to fully return to it. Of course, these thoughts are always followed by the subsequent guilt of "the kids will only be little for so long" and "If I work, I might miss out on so many important things" and "I should at least wait until BOTH kids are in school before finding a job" etc. It's the old familiar pull between work and family that I know we all have. Well, those of us with the XX chromosome at least! I am not sure men feel this conflict as acutely and I don't know that I will ever fully understand why. Whether it's societal or social or whatever, there is always this anxiety around making sure that I can catch every moment and milestone with the kids and still feel like I am not falling behind in my professional life. It's an impossible decision to make but one that we all must grapple with eventually and sometimes over and over and over.

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