Awake

The sound of my husband dropping something on the floor in his "attempt" to be quiet this morning is what woke me up. What kept me up was that my back was stiff, the room was hot, and I had to pee. For a change, the baby was still sleeping soundly. So when my attempts to return to sleep failed, I dragged myself down to the coffee pot. My husband said (not at all remorsefully) "Sorry you are awake". I didn't respond. I started trying to assemble our son's bottle and my own coffee and breakfast around the dirty dishes in the sink. I opened the dishwasher and found it full. Of dirty dishes. I could feel the irritation growing. One more attempt at conversation from my significant other (how dare he try to engage this sleep-deprived momma?!) was all the invitation I needed to let loose. "Do you think you could at least TRY to be quiet when you get up in the morning? It takes me a lot longer to fall asleep than it does you, so I really don't want to get up at the same time as you in the morning!" And so it begins - the bickering back and forth brought on by a lack of sleep, messy house, fussy baby, etc.

The reality is that though my morning wake up call may be somewhat attributable to my husband, the lack of sleep at night certainly is not. Nor can I attribute it to my blessing of a son who has the unimaginable ability to sleep 12+ hours every night with only an occasional peep. It's all me. It's the hamster on the wheel in my brain that won't stop running. Last night I was tossing and turning for an hour. And it's not like in days past when I would lay awake worrying about something of consequence: a work stress, a conflict with a friend or family member, financial woes. I spent some time imagining which preschool our tot should go to (you know - 2 years from now), whether or not we should buy a new car, trying to decide our next big family outing, and also wondering what I would wear in the morning. Seriously.

My inability to lay down, close my eyes, and go to sleep is only further highlighted by the snoring lump next to me. My husband has the incredibly enviable talent of being able to snuggle up and fall asleep within two minutes of laying down. This only increases my irritation at 11:30 when I am still trying to get comfy. And can bring me to a full on tantrum when I am woken up at 6am after only a few hours of solid sleep by his less than "mouse-like" movements. Hence the verbal assault this morning.

I'd like to say that tomorrow will be better, but unless I can find a tranquilizer for this hamster - no promises!