I am leaving tomorrow for a "girls weekend". I used to do this once a summer with a couple of my closest friends but I haven't gone since the Tot was born. I was looking forward to it from the time we started planning it six months ago, right up until the few weeks or so. When I realized that I would be "Tot-less" for almost three days. When he was fussy or crabby or forcing me to chase after him from room to room to room, this was a pleasant thought. Remembering previous excursions with my dear friends that include sitting in the sun on the beach, going to wineries, and laughing until my side hurts always makes me excited for this trip. But this year, I am also thinking of the way the Tot's hair smells after his bath and how good it feels to tuck him in at night. I am wondering if he will miss me tomorrow when his dad comes to get him in the morning instead of me. Will he think I am downstairs and then be sad or confused when I am not there? What if he hurts himself or gets upset and is crying for me when only Daddy is available? These are the thoughts that keep me company in the wee hours of morning. I have to keep reminding myself "This is fun. This is fun. This is fun. This is SUPPOSED to be fun."
I hope I am right.